So this is a departure from my usual "life sucks, blargh!" schtick that I've been doing here. I'm also a bit of a gaming geek, so I will sometimes talk about the gametapes. Expect to see other stuff discussed here, too, like pro wrestling, sports, music, and shit like that.
I loves me some old-school Nintendo, as some can attest to. Everyone talks about Super Mario 3, Castlevania, Metroid, and all that, but I need to give love to some games that people don't talk about much. These are games that are either:
1. Thoroughly obscure, or
2. Poorly received by gamers and critics alike, though there's only one real instance of this.
More after this break. This blog is brought to you by the St. Peter's School For Animal Husbandry, and the Jeffrey Dahmer Culinary Arts College. "For People With Taste!"
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Mecha-Godzilla vs. Harriet Tubman! (More Random Bullshit)
More random musings and ragings!
- When you walk through an automatic sliding door, do you ever pretend you're a Jedi? "Oh, use the force to open the door, I will". Those doors can be very empowering...
- Still on the subject of doors, why is it that perfectly ambulatory people feel the need to press the 'handicap Jedi' button on automatic doors that they are capable of opening themselves? Is the act of lifting your arm up and tugging at the door slightly far too traumatic for this rapidly-fattening culture? "Oh, the stress of sitting on my fat ass all day pushing papers and typing up spreadsheets has taken it's toll! Woe is me!"
- And on the subject of the working assholes, I will Shoryuken the fuck out of the next person who gets in an elevator with me to only go up one floor. Stairs are not the enemy, people! The 18,000-calorie mocha frappa-crappaccino from Starbucks is the true enemy.
...And if someone gets on an elevator with me to go DOWN one floor, then just die. Please. No cute euphemisms. Just go home and drink a nice, tall glass of bleach. Or fall down some stairs. The world does not need you.
- When getting off the bus (yes, I'm going back to the bus for this one), and people want to depart via the back door, what is so goddamned elusive about the instructions on how to open it. THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU IN BOLD BLACK PRINT ON YELLOW BACKGROUND. What is so fucking cryptic about 'wave your hand in front of the area with the two big green arrows pointing in front of it'? How does 'wave your hand HERE' translate to 'bang on the door, then scream at the bus driver when it doesn't open while looking like a total douche'?
- Now back to conveniences that are misused by the general masses. Specifically, escalators. Escalators are truly bad for the public, in that anyone can have evil thoughts when on that thing. It's one of the few things in life where we can all universally be assholes.
Think about this: you're in the food court at the mall. Having an Orange Julius, or a Cinnabon, or you're just taking a shit. Whatever. Your bus comes in about 5 minutes, and the exit is a floor or two down. You finish off the Julius/Cinnabon/shit, and try to race down to the bus stop...
...but several perfectly-healthy people are on the 'down' escalator just standing there, like a bunch of stuffed animals on display or luggage on a carousel. Or there's this really fat guy just standing there, and you can't get around him. The first thought on anyone's mind is 'I want to push this fucker down this thing like a bag of laundry down the basement stairs'. Even Mother Theresa would be like 'fuck, now I can't go feed the lepers! I hope this guy dies of anal warts'.
- Ryan
- When you walk through an automatic sliding door, do you ever pretend you're a Jedi? "Oh, use the force to open the door, I will". Those doors can be very empowering...
- Still on the subject of doors, why is it that perfectly ambulatory people feel the need to press the 'handicap Jedi' button on automatic doors that they are capable of opening themselves? Is the act of lifting your arm up and tugging at the door slightly far too traumatic for this rapidly-fattening culture? "Oh, the stress of sitting on my fat ass all day pushing papers and typing up spreadsheets has taken it's toll! Woe is me!"
- And on the subject of the working assholes, I will Shoryuken the fuck out of the next person who gets in an elevator with me to only go up one floor. Stairs are not the enemy, people! The 18,000-calorie mocha frappa-crappaccino from Starbucks is the true enemy.
...And if someone gets on an elevator with me to go DOWN one floor, then just die. Please. No cute euphemisms. Just go home and drink a nice, tall glass of bleach. Or fall down some stairs. The world does not need you.
- When getting off the bus (yes, I'm going back to the bus for this one), and people want to depart via the back door, what is so goddamned elusive about the instructions on how to open it. THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU IN BOLD BLACK PRINT ON YELLOW BACKGROUND. What is so fucking cryptic about 'wave your hand in front of the area with the two big green arrows pointing in front of it'? How does 'wave your hand HERE' translate to 'bang on the door, then scream at the bus driver when it doesn't open while looking like a total douche'?
- Now back to conveniences that are misused by the general masses. Specifically, escalators. Escalators are truly bad for the public, in that anyone can have evil thoughts when on that thing. It's one of the few things in life where we can all universally be assholes.
Think about this: you're in the food court at the mall. Having an Orange Julius, or a Cinnabon, or you're just taking a shit. Whatever. Your bus comes in about 5 minutes, and the exit is a floor or two down. You finish off the Julius/Cinnabon/shit, and try to race down to the bus stop...
...but several perfectly-healthy people are on the 'down' escalator just standing there, like a bunch of stuffed animals on display or luggage on a carousel. Or there's this really fat guy just standing there, and you can't get around him. The first thought on anyone's mind is 'I want to push this fucker down this thing like a bag of laundry down the basement stairs'. Even Mother Theresa would be like 'fuck, now I can't go feed the lepers! I hope this guy dies of anal warts'.
- Ryan
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Random Hostility!
Just some random shit, musings, and nitpickery that's hit my mind lately, and in the past on Twitter:
- Why is it that people say 'I'm not gonna sit here and take this' when they are clearly standing up? I'm sure the extra nanosecond it takes to change the verb in that sentence is well worth it. It would at least take the 'dumbass' label off of you.
- I know many people have touched on this, but it does kinda make me cringe slightly when people misuse the term 'literally'. "This guy went up to me and tried to start sumthin', so I literally beat the shit out of him", yet no fecal matter is present. The phrase would be appropriate if you were using the Poop Hammer in "DeathSpank", but not on the mean streets of (insert town here). When such a gross misuse of the word is presented to me, you're not simply insulting the language. You're burning a bag of dog poop on its front door, ragging on its local sports team, and pissing in its mineral water. And I mean all of that figuratively, NOT literally.
- If the Lord did not want his name taken in vain, he wouldn't have created "Battletoads" for the NES. Or The Verminator from "Secret of Evermore". That guy was a bitch.
- My English teacher in Grade 7 played 'Ironic' by Alanis Morissette for us in class, and stated 'this song has many great examples of irony'. She probably should go back to the college she took English in and get a refund, as the only thing truly ironic about that song is the total lack of actual examples of real irony...
...which actually may be the point. A song called 'Ironic' having no accurate traces of irony being detailed...
... actually, I'm leaning more towards the 'Morissette/Ballard' songwriting team being dumbasses.
- In the summertime, do kids with Attention-Deficit Disorder attend concentration camp?
- If you're making a quiz on Sporcle.com, who wants to take a quiz based on YOUR favorite songs or movies. I'm sorry, but if I'm on there, I'm probably not going to play a game called 'guess what's on my iPod?' or 'my sister's favorite dildos' or 'things I think about while jerking off to footage of the moon landing'. Keep the quizzes impersonal, dammit!
Yes, most of that was nitpicking, but if I didn't nitpick, this blog would have VERY little content
- Ryan
- Why is it that people say 'I'm not gonna sit here and take this' when they are clearly standing up? I'm sure the extra nanosecond it takes to change the verb in that sentence is well worth it. It would at least take the 'dumbass' label off of you.
- I know many people have touched on this, but it does kinda make me cringe slightly when people misuse the term 'literally'. "This guy went up to me and tried to start sumthin', so I literally beat the shit out of him", yet no fecal matter is present. The phrase would be appropriate if you were using the Poop Hammer in "DeathSpank", but not on the mean streets of (insert town here). When such a gross misuse of the word is presented to me, you're not simply insulting the language. You're burning a bag of dog poop on its front door, ragging on its local sports team, and pissing in its mineral water. And I mean all of that figuratively, NOT literally.
- If the Lord did not want his name taken in vain, he wouldn't have created "Battletoads" for the NES. Or The Verminator from "Secret of Evermore". That guy was a bitch.
- My English teacher in Grade 7 played 'Ironic' by Alanis Morissette for us in class, and stated 'this song has many great examples of irony'. She probably should go back to the college she took English in and get a refund, as the only thing truly ironic about that song is the total lack of actual examples of real irony...
...which actually may be the point. A song called 'Ironic' having no accurate traces of irony being detailed...
... actually, I'm leaning more towards the 'Morissette/Ballard' songwriting team being dumbasses.
- In the summertime, do kids with Attention-Deficit Disorder attend concentration camp?
- If you're making a quiz on Sporcle.com, who wants to take a quiz based on YOUR favorite songs or movies. I'm sorry, but if I'm on there, I'm probably not going to play a game called 'guess what's on my iPod?' or 'my sister's favorite dildos' or 'things I think about while jerking off to footage of the moon landing'. Keep the quizzes impersonal, dammit!
Yes, most of that was nitpicking, but if I didn't nitpick, this blog would have VERY little content
- Ryan
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Bus
First blog post! To pop my blog's cherry, just a couple of amusing observations of the minutia when it comes to taking the bus:
- Do you ever notice that if you pull the 'stop the bus' cable just as someone is reaching for it, they turn around to see who did it? They're either curious as to who is getting off with them, or they look with mild indignity because someone got to the cable before they did. "YOU STOLE MY RINGY-DING!"
- This is just ranting, but why the fuck do people feel the need to sit in an aisle seat and have their bags or other shit on the window seat? I can understand if the bus is empty and you need a place to put your case of beer, but if the bus is crowded, put the bag on your lap and let the old man or the preggo have a seat. Hell, let ANYONE have the seat. Nobody should be standing if there's a perfectly good seat that is being taken up by backpacks and shopping bags.
If some airlines are charging fat people for two seats to board an airplane, make these stupid assholes get two passes, or have them pay double fare.
- Back to the amusing part, and this shows how fickle the human race can be. Whenever you get on a bus and it starts filling up, especially in the morning or during rush hour, someone will eventually have to sit next to you. The first thought that your brain produces is 'oh, shit. I can't relax as much now. Stupid people invading my private space'. Eventually, the bus hits major stops, and the population dwindles. Seats are empty now! The person who was invading your personal space, the person you can't stand because of his mere presence next to you, now finds an empty set of seats and leaves to sit there.
When that happens, for the splittiest of split-seconds, do you feel a teensy bit of dejection? "Awwww, what did I do?", then you go back to relaxing. It's extremely fleeting, but it's there.
However, you can feel REALLY bad for a few seconds if the bus is still crowded, and the person sitting next to you gets up and sits next to SOMEONE ELSE. Ever have THAT happen? For a few seconds, you think 'what did I do wrong?' or 'Is my deodorant working?'.
Yay for bad attempts at observational comedy!
- Ryan
- Do you ever notice that if you pull the 'stop the bus' cable just as someone is reaching for it, they turn around to see who did it? They're either curious as to who is getting off with them, or they look with mild indignity because someone got to the cable before they did. "YOU STOLE MY RINGY-DING!"
- This is just ranting, but why the fuck do people feel the need to sit in an aisle seat and have their bags or other shit on the window seat? I can understand if the bus is empty and you need a place to put your case of beer, but if the bus is crowded, put the bag on your lap and let the old man or the preggo have a seat. Hell, let ANYONE have the seat. Nobody should be standing if there's a perfectly good seat that is being taken up by backpacks and shopping bags.
If some airlines are charging fat people for two seats to board an airplane, make these stupid assholes get two passes, or have them pay double fare.
- Back to the amusing part, and this shows how fickle the human race can be. Whenever you get on a bus and it starts filling up, especially in the morning or during rush hour, someone will eventually have to sit next to you. The first thought that your brain produces is 'oh, shit. I can't relax as much now. Stupid people invading my private space'. Eventually, the bus hits major stops, and the population dwindles. Seats are empty now! The person who was invading your personal space, the person you can't stand because of his mere presence next to you, now finds an empty set of seats and leaves to sit there.
When that happens, for the splittiest of split-seconds, do you feel a teensy bit of dejection? "Awwww, what did I do?", then you go back to relaxing. It's extremely fleeting, but it's there.
However, you can feel REALLY bad for a few seconds if the bus is still crowded, and the person sitting next to you gets up and sits next to SOMEONE ELSE. Ever have THAT happen? For a few seconds, you think 'what did I do wrong?' or 'Is my deodorant working?'.
Yay for bad attempts at observational comedy!
- Ryan
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