More random musings and ragings!
- When you walk through an automatic sliding door, do you ever pretend you're a Jedi? "Oh, use the force to open the door, I will". Those doors can be very empowering...
- Still on the subject of doors, why is it that perfectly ambulatory people feel the need to press the 'handicap Jedi' button on automatic doors that they are capable of opening themselves? Is the act of lifting your arm up and tugging at the door slightly far too traumatic for this rapidly-fattening culture? "Oh, the stress of sitting on my fat ass all day pushing papers and typing up spreadsheets has taken it's toll! Woe is me!"
- And on the subject of the working assholes, I will Shoryuken the fuck out of the next person who gets in an elevator with me to only go up one floor. Stairs are not the enemy, people! The 18,000-calorie mocha frappa-crappaccino from Starbucks is the true enemy.
...And if someone gets on an elevator with me to go DOWN one floor, then just die. Please. No cute euphemisms. Just go home and drink a nice, tall glass of bleach. Or fall down some stairs. The world does not need you.
- When getting off the bus (yes, I'm going back to the bus for this one), and people want to depart via the back door, what is so goddamned elusive about the instructions on how to open it. THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU IN BOLD BLACK PRINT ON YELLOW BACKGROUND. What is so fucking cryptic about 'wave your hand in front of the area with the two big green arrows pointing in front of it'? How does 'wave your hand HERE' translate to 'bang on the door, then scream at the bus driver when it doesn't open while looking like a total douche'?
- Now back to conveniences that are misused by the general masses. Specifically, escalators. Escalators are truly bad for the public, in that anyone can have evil thoughts when on that thing. It's one of the few things in life where we can all universally be assholes.
Think about this: you're in the food court at the mall. Having an Orange Julius, or a Cinnabon, or you're just taking a shit. Whatever. Your bus comes in about 5 minutes, and the exit is a floor or two down. You finish off the Julius/Cinnabon/shit, and try to race down to the bus stop...
...but several perfectly-healthy people are on the 'down' escalator just standing there, like a bunch of stuffed animals on display or luggage on a carousel. Or there's this really fat guy just standing there, and you can't get around him. The first thought on anyone's mind is 'I want to push this fucker down this thing like a bag of laundry down the basement stairs'. Even Mother Theresa would be like 'fuck, now I can't go feed the lepers! I hope this guy dies of anal warts'.
- Ryan
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