Mother Teresa vs. Biollante! (or "Y'Ever Do This")

- Whenever you had a dream that was really awesome, but you suddenly woke up around 2AM or so, before the alarm goes off, do you try to go back to sleep right away to get back into that dream? It rarely works, but we're convinced that it does. "Dammit, I was just getting laid! Maybe if I fall back asleep, she won't have left with my clothes and money!"

- Whenever you're on Facebook, do you sometimes check the "Friend Finder" to see if anyone from your MSN has deleted you? I do it all the time! Damn bitches and them not wanting anything to do with me despite not talking to them for a while!

- Do you ever watch old movies or TV shows where the character has a pet, and think "wow, that little fucker's dead now"? I feel bad for Ernst Stavro Blofeld. I mean, he was a total douchebag terrorist, but his cat's been long dead. And think of all the Lassies and Benjis that we lost.

- Whenever you're walking down the street or a hallway, and someone is on the same side as you, but walking in the opposite direction, when you go to move aside, y'ever accidentally walk into their path? What's worse is that whenever you try to get out of their way, they now move into YOUR path by accident. You end up having this awkward step-dance in the pedway until one of you suddenly decide to say 'fuck this shit' and stop entirely, thus allowing the other party to get by you.

- This is for the guys, and feel free to skip by if you're disgusted by potty humor. Whenever you're pissing into a toilet bowl, and it's an especially long piss where the toilet water starts foaming, do y'ever try to fill the entire surface of the water with bubbles? When you nearly have the bowl full, you end up moving back or adjusting your aim so that you hit part of the inner bowl to minimize the stream hitting the water, thus preserving your perfect bubble tapestry. It's kind of interesting because it's a near-accomplishment, but you don't show anyone. Nobody in their right mind goes "Hey, Bernice! Look what I did!". We just flush it afterward, so I'm not sure why we put forth this kind of effort. Kind of sad, really.

This is the kind of stuff I think about when I'm on the computer on Friday night and drunk off my ass. And this is why I'm still single.

- Ryan